COVID-19: Warning to parents and children against abuse

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Parents and Children are encouraged to be on high alert of possible abuse during this lockdown.

Parents are urged: Know where your child is, with who and the games they are playing all the time.  For most men, an idle mind is the devil’s workshop. 

LET’S KEEP WATCH AND PROTECT OUR LOVED ONES FROM ABUSE. 

CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE

Child sexual abuse is also known as child sexual molestation. It is a secret crime involving a range of indecent sexual activities between an adult and a child.

According to the National Violence Against Children Survey, it established that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 10 boys experienced sexual violence before the age of 18.


TYPES OF MOLESTATION

Defilement; Rape; Fingering; Making a child watch pornography; Exposing the genital to kids; Indecent touching; Fondling etc.


WHO COULD ABUSE YOUR CHILD?

ANYBODY. Studies show that over 95% of sexually abused children are abused by persons known or close to the child or the child’s family.


ABUSERS ARE MOSTLY NOT STRANGERS

They are right there in your house, co-tenants, family members, neighbours. Their friends in school, hostel, classmates, class/school teachers, madrasah teachers, cousins, uncles, nephew, niece, fathers, stepfathers, grandfathers, imams, choirmasters, pastors, confidants, security guard, maids, family /school drivers. After school/home lesson teachers, mummy’s friend, daddy’s friend, caregivers, strangers…….. the list can go on.

Please, do not ask if any of the above is possible because there is no case of any of the above that we have not seen.

CAUSES OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE

Parental negligence; Carelessness; Non- challant attitude; Peer pressure. It is as bad as “No one can be trusted. “We have a child presently carrying a baby that belongs to her father.”


OTHER CAUSES

Absentee parents; Parents who do not observe their children; when d kids are not informed as to what sexual abuse is and why they should guard against it.

WHERE CAN YOUR CHILD BE SEXUALLY ABUSED?

✓On your bed✓Right under your nose, under your roof✓In the school enviroment- class,toilet etc✓Hostel ✓Parties✓ In their room (siblings)✓Deserted/Abandoned places✓ When you are distracted Etc
 Perpetrators look for opportunities. *5mins is enough to cause a life long damage*

HOW DO PAEDOPHILES GET THE VICTIMS?

  1. Grooming Child grooming Befriending and establishing an emotional connection with a child, and sometimes the family, to lower the child’s inhibitions with the objective of sexual abuse. -Wikipedia-Gaining the trust of a minor with the intention of having sex relationship with them.
    2.Baitsa. Emotional baitb. Gift baitc. Financial baitd. Familiarity & Respect bait.  them.


HOW TO IDENTIFY A POSSIBLE ABUSER

A. Always trying to be around your child or vice versa B. Child feels uncomfortable when he/she sights d abuser or when d abuser is around. C. Easily and conviniently accept to care for your child while you are away. D. Can be hard on the child especially if the child is rejecting his moves, Etc. If any of the above is observed, plssss, shine your eyes. Or sometimes, your child might feel uncomfortable /rejecting to go to the person when you send him or her Or even go for holiday.


Sexual abuse happens among sibblings, set rules, seperate their rooms, seperate their beds. We had a case of twins having sex with each other. When they were asked, they said: we see mum and dad do same. Why should we be that careless? Because of the carelessness of both parents,their innocent minds were polluted and their lives were destroyed. Also be mindful of what your children see on the television, your phones or social media. Watch their friends closely. 

WHAT A PERPETRATOR SAYS TO A CHILD WILLING TO SPEAK OUT

•I will kill you•You will die•Your mummy will hate you•Your mummy will beat you•Your mummy will blame you.•Your mummy and your daddy will die.•He could cut the child, lick the blood and says ‘ *this is a blood convenant between us, the day you tell is the day you die* our children must know in their subconscious that these are lies. 

The *SRR*-Teach ur child:
S – Shout/scream R – Run R – Report.


POSSIBLE SIGNS THAT YOUR CHILD HAS BEEN ABUSED

✓Isolation✓Aggressiveness✓Anxiety/Fear✓Difficulty in walking✓Sudden drop in academic performance✓Poor social interaction and uncontrollably display of inappropriate sexual behaviours. Etc


*OTHERS*

✓Sexually Transmitted Diseases. Their dressing is important, dress to cover them please – Boys & girls alike. Teach them privacy. “Do not see or touch my private parts.” They must knock and seek permission before they enter your room or another person’s room. It is wrong to bath them together irrespective of sex.


 PLEASE NOTE:

*children never lie about abuse* If your child tells u someone is trying to mess  with him or her…. Please believe the child and respond appropriately by reporting to the authorities… Police, NGOs, sexual referral centers, lawyers and confronting the perpetrator or individual.


EFFECT OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE:

*-The abused child could become a *serial* abuser- Be exposed to multiple abuse-Depression-Suicidal thoughts-Stigma-Guilt-Lifelong psychological trauma-Aggression-Withdrawn-Infected with STDsEtc


*THE BOYS*

More often than not, we pay more attention to the girls than the boys.With my years of experience, boys are mostly victims- anal sex but because we *do not pay attention*.For them, healing is a terrible process and if care is not taken, the walls of their anus may collapse and decay.


*WATCH OVER YOUR BOYS

* Something might just be happening and you perceive not. Do not be a *hard* mum/dad. Strike a balance between love and discipline. Give your children Sex Education proportional to their age. A child of age 2 or even less is due for Sex Education. Tell them what nobody must do with their body and what they must never do to another person be it their peer or an adult. Tell them to *speak out*.In the house, everyone must respect one another’s privacy.

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